This is the third in a 3 part series about being bullied. I’m not sharing these stories to humiliate nor inspire any bullies. I want to raise awareness about what is really going on in our schools, in the workplace, and on the internet in an effort to reduce bullying in those environments.

In each blog, I’ll identify:
• The different types of bullies
• Steps you can take to minimize the risk of being bullied
• How to overcome the feelings and emotions that result from being bullied

Part 3: THE CYBER BULLY

Cyber bullying is most common among teenagers. However, I am aware of adults who have also been targeted. As I began to uncover the statistics, I was saddened to find that almost half of all teenagers using technology to access email, chat rooms, and social media sites have been targeted at least once by a cyber bully. Just like classroom and corporate bullying, most witnesses remain silent because they don’t want to attract the attention of the bully and become a target too. I have observed three types of cyber bullies.

The Physical Bully
Yes, even in the virtual world, these bullies still exist. While adults are targeted by other adults, the majority of this activity involves students. I’d compare the internet to a school yard playground. Social media sites, chat rooms, and first person simulation games have become a technology-based playground. Within these environments, there are those who threaten physical harm. This is so common that nearly 160,000 kids stay home from school each day for fear of threatened physical abuse. In some cases, the situation is so uncomfortable that the students elect a home school option instead to avoid future physical confrontations.

The Social Bully
The cyber environment is filled with social media sites, gaming sites, dating sites, special interest chat rooms, and so many other opportunities to engage socially. Social bullying seems to be the most common form of cyber bullying because there is the advantage of anonymity. Spreading rumors, making rude comments, and sharing inappropriate photos or videos become very easy when the bully can hide behind a Wi-Fi wall. Even when identified, the cyber bully feels confident because there is no physical proximity to the target. Once posted, the rumors, comments, and images can be saved, printed, or downloaded. This allows the bullying to continue even after such posts have been removed from their original on-line location.

The Behind-the-Scenes Bully
This bully has the ability to hide behind a disguise. Pretending to be your friend, creating a fictitious identity, or pretending to be you are the most common weapons this bully has. For example, this person may request your friendship on Facebook, and then criticize you or bash a group you are associated with as they post on your page or in replies to your posts. Race, religion, and sexual orientation seem to be three common areas of attack.

In a society where anyone can be a YouTube sensation, some cyber bullies post rant videos. Others create fictitious identities on a social media site, and then begin to bully their targets. In some cases, a bully may pretend to be the person he or she is bullying in an effort to say or share hurtful things to damage that person’s reputation or relationships.
The one balancing force to this behind-the-scenes bullying is that many law enforcement agencies now have a cyber-crime division. Sometimes the “good guys” even pose as teens to track down bullies and other suspected criminals. Yes, I said criminals. While it’s not a federal law yet, some states in the U.S. have already passed laws making cyber bullying a crime punishable by fine or jail time.

Cyber bullying is tolerated because most people are fearful of becoming a target if they step forward. One of the best ways to reduce cyber bullying is to become a MOUSE (notice… I didn’t say “be quiet like a mouse”).
M=Monitor Activity: Parents, if you allow your kids to have social media accounts, create a rule that they must include you as a friend. This will help you as a parent to be aware of the activity in which your child or teen is involved. Many kids have their own smart phones, laptops, or tablets. As a parent, it’s your responsibility to monitor those devices too. Become comfortable talking with your kids about their use of technology, how it’s not really “Private”, and any information they share electronically is permanent. Even if they delete it, someone else may have already saved or shared it.
O=Offer Help: If you are aware of a cyber bully, try to find ways to help him or her based on the current situation. The reality is that the bully may be acting that way because he or she too is being bullied. Use discretion to avoid embarrassing the bully. Besides, you don’t want to escalate the situation by publically fighting back because that would make you a bully too.
U=Un-friend the Bully: Social media sites give you control over who you allow as a friend and what you allow others to see. Review your privacy settings to be sure only people you choose will have access to your posts and information. If someone you’re virtual friends with begins to bully you, simply un-friend that person. While that may not stop them from talking about you, they won’t have direct access to you. The same is true with email and cell phones. Both allow you to block contact from specific addresses or phone numbers. Again, the bully may still talk about you, but they won’t have direct access to you. If you choose to report a case of bullying to your internet or phone provider, they can also disable or close a bully’s account due to such activity.
S=Start Tracking: If there are certain web sites, text lists, or gaming groups where you are a target of cyber bullying, start tracking that activity. Print it, start a journal, or save it in a folder on your phone or in your email. Be prepared to forward it to a parent or someone else in authority like a teacher, internet provider, or local law enforcement. Be sure to capture specific information including dates, times, witnesses, and the specific conversation or technical location. These details can help when reporting such events. When combined with your saved cyber bullying activity, the evidence will speak for itself.
E=Encourage: If you know someone who is the target of a cyber bully, let them know you are on their side. Maybe you send them a private message, call them, or spend some time with them in person. Tell them that you value their friendship, encourage them in their goals, and make sure you send a clear message that you accept them for who they are. When helping someone who struggles with being bullied, don’t fight their battles for them, instead fight for their friendship.

While it can be argued that cyber bullying is harmless because it’s virtual, the physical and emotional devastation is very real. This fear or heartache is so strong that it results in 20 suicides daily. The personal psychological impact is greater because the bullying is on a much larger stage than the playground or the office. If you or someone you know is being cyber-bullied, I encourage you to seek counseling immediately.

I am so passionate about this topic that I’ve created a 2 hour interactive session called “Bully Free”. I welcome the opportunity to visit your school, company, or local organization to help create a community where bullying is no longer tolerated.