Finding Your FAITH: Part 5

This is the final blog in a 5 part series about rediscovering and strengthening your faith. While we each grow up in a different environment, we all learn about traditions, family values, and cultural practices. We may even be raised in a household with specific religious beliefs. Then, as adults, we have the opportunity to make our own decisions about what we choose to believe based on all we’ve learned growing up.

That brings to mind a question whose answer could limit our behavior based on what’s happening around us. Is what we believe religion or faith? Religion is really more about rules and practices while faith reaches to the core of what you believe about your creation, your life, and even your own mortality. During challenging times, it’s common to question your faith by exploring what you truly believe. With the uncertain times we’re living in right now, I know I’m even exploring my own faith. I’m not sharing my thoughts and perspectives to praise or criticize anyone’s beliefs. I use my own road as an example of how to navigate the journey on your way to finding your faith. Over the next five months I want to encourage you to explore five unique elements of faith that will help you clarify what you believe and give you the confidence to live your life in genuine response to those beliefs.

Part 5: HOPE

Some of my fondest memories are of Christmas with family. Growing up, the holidays were filled with joy and laughter. Of course, that’s what happens when you get 16 cousins together on Christmas Eve. Add some great food, lots of cookies, that Strawberry Punch, and, oh yes, a visit from Santa. The evening usually ended with all of us filling the first few rows of pews for a Midnight Mass.

As my Dad’s parents got older, my Dad and his siblings took turns hosting Christmas Eve. In more recent years, with my siblings living in different places, Barb and I have hosted Christmas. This holiday tradition will continue in our family for generations. However, I will always fondly remember Christmas with my cousins.

What made it so special was partially the anticipation because we didn’t see them too often. We lived in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, and the other 12 cousins lived on the south side. We also found a way to put aside the challenges of the day to enjoy the opportunities we had to spend time together.

Toward the end of the evening, as we took our seats at church, it was tough to stay awake after such a crazy evening. Then, the choir would belt out “Joy to the World”, or some other Christmas song, and we’d again be energized. It’s probably been 30 years since we celebrated Christmas with all 16 cousins.

I realize that this year will not be a typical Christmas. Barb and I will spend a quiet Christmas Eve with my parents. It seems the global pandemic has made it more difficult to find joy. However, joy is not an external result. Rather, it’s an internal choice. How do we find joy in these times?

When we lived in Illinois, I loved going for a walk while it was snowing or just after a snowfall. The snow was so fresh that, with each step I took, it didn’t even crunch. There was an amazing lack of noise. It was so quiet as if the snow muffled every other sound around me. In that silence, I found peace. In our hectic lives, that seem even more so during the holidays, we rarely take time to seek out the silence.

However, peace is about more than quiet. It’s about calm. Like joy, peace too is a choice. I’ve heard people say, “You can’t have peace without war”. Well, I choose to think about that differently. I say, “You can’t have peace on the outside, until you have peace on the inside”.

The decisions we make, the anger and bitterness we keep, and the shame or regret that we can’t seem to let go. All of these things rob us of internal peace. External peace, or the lack of it, is a symptom of the lack of internal peace. How, in these chaotic times, do we find peace?

It’s possible through hope. With Christmas fast approaching, I find it challenging to talk about hope as we face so much uncertainty in the world. Yet, perhaps it’s the perfect time to talk about hope. The Christmas season is as much about hope now as it was more than 2,000 years ago. The culture, the political climate, and the struggles people faced then aren’t so different from what we’re experiencing now. People were hoping for a savior to bring peace into a chaotic world.

When we think of Christmas, we think of Jesus as a baby, but it’s what he did as an adult that truly changed the world. While the people of that day hoped He would replace their current leaders by becoming the new king of their land, they were surprised when He didn’t. Rather, he became a different kind of leader bringing people into a friendship with Him and ultimately a restored relationship with God.

For me, that internal peace became eternal peace when I put my trust and my hope in Jesus. Faith, as we have explored, begins with a strong Foundation regarding your beliefs and values. Then, it grows through your authentic relationships with God and the people around you. As your faith grows, you become inspired to create, to communicate, and to share your faith and your gifts with others. These opportunities present themselves as we trust God, and establish relationships and build trust with those around us. This process of finding our faith ultimately leads to hope.

More than 2,000 years ago, the people hoped Jesus would become their ruler. He has, but not within the government. Instead, He rules in the heart of each Christian (follower of Jesus Christ).

Today isn’t much different. We are each struggling with the circumstances of the day. However, the hope that we have can help bring joy and peace into our own hearts and into the lives of others. None of us is perfect, and we all fall short of the glory of God. The price of that imperfection is death. However, there is good news. Just as those people hoped 2,000 years ago, Jesus did come to save us all.

Faith says we have confidence and trust in God and Jesus. God, the creator of the universe, sent His son Jesus Christ to live a perfect life, and die on a cross as a sacrifice for all of us. His sacrifice restored our relationship with God, and we have hope for a future. Not just a future here on Earth, but of eternity in Heaven.

Hope is this optimistic attitude based on our own expectations or desires. Is it realistic to hope for things? Yes, as long as we truly believe they are possible. What are you hoping for this year? What are your hopes for the future?

I hope that this, my final blog, inspires you to find joy, peace, and hope. As I look to the next chapter of my work, I hope the book I’m about to release reaches lots of people with its message of how to navigate beyond perceived limitations. I hope that in-person learning will resume soon. I hope to return to full-time work as a facilitator and motivational speaker.

On a personal level, I hope for the health, safety, and success of my family and friends. I even hope that people I have yet to meet find joy, peace, and hope in their own lives.

As kids, we made Christmas lists of all that we wanted and wished for. Rather than wishing for things, consider putting your hope in Jesus. We celebrate His birth at Christmas. We reflect on His death and rejoice in His resurrection at Easter. He is alive, and wants to live in each of us. If you’re still hoping for a savior to bring peace into this chaotic world, consider placing your hope in Jesus.

Merry Christmas!

Finding Your FAITH: Part 4

This is the fourth in a 5 part series about rediscovering and strengthening your faith. While we each grow up in a different environment, we all learn about traditions, family values, and cultural practices. We may even be raised in a household with specific religious beliefs. Then, as adults, we have the opportunity to make our own decisions about what we choose to believe based on all we’ve learned growing up.

That brings to mind a question whose answer could limit our behavior based on what’s happening around us. Is what we believe religion or faith? Religion is really more about rules and practices while faith reaches to the core of what you believe about your creation, your life, and even your own mortality. During challenging times, it’s common to question your faith by exploring what you truly believe. With the uncertain times we’re living in right now, I know I’m even exploring my own faith. I’m not sharing my thoughts and perspectives to praise or criticize anyone’s beliefs. I use my own road as an example of how to navigate the journey on your way to finding your faith. Over the next five months I want to encourage you to explore five unique elements of faith that will help you clarify what you believe and give you the confidence to live your life in genuine response to those beliefs.

Part 4: THANKFULNESS

You don’t need to reach very far to feel the heartbreaking impact of the global pandemic. This year has hit each person, each family, and each generation in different ways. Maybe you’ve lost a family member, friend, or colleague. Perhaps you experienced a lay off from a job you needed and truly enjoyed. Maybe things feel different because you or your kids have been going to school on-line instead of in person. You may have felt forced to retire, or robbed of the freedom retirement is supposed to offer. Maybe you’ve had to cancel plans to travel, get married, graduate, or do any number of things that, in any other year, would just happen.

I too am struggling with the circumstances in which I find myself this year. I’m not going to share the details because they’re probably not much different than yours. By now, you’re probably thinking, “Wow, Jim, isn’t this blog supposed to be motivational?”

Yes, it is. Rather than complain about my situation, I’d like to offer a different perspective, and some tools to help us all get through these challenging times. We need to do more than just “get by”. I promise to not start a single sentence with, “Well, at least…”

It would be difficult to talk about my journey of faith without mentioning how the Bible continues to have an impact on my perspective. One of my favorite entries in scripture is Philippians 4:6-7.

“6Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Are you, or is anyone you know, “anxious about anything”? What if we changed the conversation? What if every one of us stopped talking and thinking about what we couldn’t do, didn’t get to experience, or should have been enjoying long enough to realize what we can do, what we have experienced, and how blessed we truly are?

With Thanksgiving only days away, I encourage you to prepare your heart and mind to focus on thankfulness. You may not feel very thankful right now. However, there is a delicate balance. In life, not everything goes well, but not everything is horrible either. Practicing thankfulness takes a conscious effort. Here are three ways I’ve discovered that we can all use to focus on thankfulness in our own lives.

The Blessings Bucket
This is a technique I discovered a few years ago. It makes for a humbling start to each new year. You’ll need a large empty plastic container, a small 3×3 note pad, and a pen. Each time you think of something you’re thankful for, write it on a sheet of paper, fold it in quarters, and drop it into the container. There is no limit on how many sheets you can place in the container. On New Year’s Eve, dump out the bucket and read each entry. I actually keep them as a road map and a reminder of situations, people, and events that have made a positive impact in my life.

The Grateful Challenge
If you want a more concentrated boost, this technique will help change your perspective in one week. For seven days, write down three people, things, or situations for which you are thankful. Keep the list somewhere you can get to it quickly. Then, when you are having a tough day or going through a difficult situation, read that list to help you refocus your perspective.

Everyone Shares One
This is an activity you may want to add to your Thanksgiving dinner. Have each person at the table share one person, thing, or situation for which they are thankful. You can make this even more personal by having them share something they are thankful for about the person sitting next to them. This activity doesn’t need to be limited to one holiday per year. Maybe you’d like to try this once a week with whoever is at your dinner table.

Of course, I also have a fourth way to focus on my thankfulness. I believe in sharing my thanks and my requests in prayer. I bring what’s on my heart to God in daily prayer. I start by thanking Him for who He is, all He has created, and for my salvation through Jesus. Then, I pray for specific people and situations in my life, for those who are sick or hurting, for our country, and for the world. While things don’t happen or change in an instant, I do feel a sense of peace. Even in life’s storms, I am reassured that God is at work in my life and the lives of others. If you look, you will see God’s hand at work in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways.

If there is one thing we’ve all been reminded of this year, it’s that life is more fragile than we might like to admit. Yet, in all the chaos, having the ability to slow down and really consider the good we each have in our lives can help to refocus our perspective. I thank God for the many blessings in my own life. Not just on Thanksgiving, but each day and every moment of it.

Finding Your FAITH: Part 3

This is the third in a 5 part series about rediscovering and strengthening your faith. While we each grow up in a different environment, we all learn about traditions, family values, and cultural practices. We may even be raised in a household with specific religious beliefs. Then, as adults, we have the opportunity to make our own decisions about what we choose to believe based on all we’ve learned growing up.

That brings to mind a question whose answer could limit our behavior based on what’s happening around us. Is what we believe religion or faith? Religion is really more about rules and practices while faith reaches to the core of what you believe about your creation, your life, and even your own mortality. During challenging times, it’s common to question your faith by exploring what you truly believe. With the uncertain times we’re living in right now, I know I’m even exploring my own faith. I’m not sharing my thoughts and perspectives to praise or criticize anyone’s beliefs. I use my own road as an example of how to navigate the journey on your way to finding your faith. Over the next five months I want to encourage you to explore five unique elements of faith that will help you clarify what you believe and give you the confidence to live your life in genuine response to those beliefs.

Part 3: INSPIRATION

Growing up Catholic, I remember going to church as a family on Sunday mornings. My favorite part of the mass was the homily. The priest would spend some time sharing his thoughts as he reflected on what he had just read from scripture. His perspective was encouraging, and I found ways to apply those teachings to my own life.

While still in grade school, I decided to become an Altar Server. My twin brother John and I would serve for weekend masses, and during the summer we would serve for the early morning weekday masses too. We would help the priest prepare for the mass, and we would have different responsibilities during the mass. For example, when the priest read the Gospel (scripture from Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John), my brother and I would hold lit candles while standing on each side of the priest. I’m sure my parents prayed during the Gospel. “Dear God, please help our visually challenged son Jim not set the priest’s robe on fire today”.

During high school, I volunteered as a lector (a reader of scripture other than the Gospel) and also served as an usher. During my junior year of high school, my friend Michele invited me to hear her sing on youth night at a non-denominational church. Her beautiful voice and the powerful lyrics combined with the message delivered that evening by the youth pastor had quite an impact on me.

First, I learned that being a Christian is about more than a religious denomination. Second, I discovered I could pray directly to God any time anywhere. Third, hearing my friend Michelle sing motivated me to get involved in Christian music. I actually sang a few weeks later at that same youth night. During college, I even played guitar for a Catholic church near campus.

When Barb and I started dating, we went to the church her family attended. I enjoyed the Sunday service because after a few songs the pastor would deliver a sermon that lasted at least half an hour. It was a homily on steroids. I even joined the church choir. Once in a while, we’d go to a Sunday evening concert at the church to listen to new Christian artists.

In 1995, I decided to focus my talents on writing and recording Christian music and sharing my music and testimony with different churches. I spent almost 20 years sharing my music and stories of how my faith in God has impacted my life.

In 2000, we moved to Arizona. The church we found was comfortable from the start. I’ll never forget the Sunday service when the children’s director asked for volunteers to work with grade school children. Barb and I looked at each other as if to say, “That would be a fun way to get involved”. We taught 4th and 5th grade students for years. I sang on the worship team, and when the percussionist left the church, I was invited to give it a try. I embraced the opportunity, and had a blast playing every percussion instrument I could get my hands on.

In 2008, after learning that I’d been a trainer and public speaker for many years, our lead pastor invited me to deliver a sermon. Pastor Tim offered to teach me how to write and deliver a scripture-based sermon. The first sermon I delivered was called “Strengthen Your Grip”, and that experience did just that. With each new sermon I prepared and delivered, my faith grew as I dove deeper into the Bible and into what it means to live life as a Christian.

Since that first sermon, I’ve delivered five more at that church, and two at another church in the area. While I’ve enjoyed the experience, I’m not planning on becoming a church pastor. However, in 2016, my close friend Carol Ann asked if I’d officiate her wedding. I applied to become a wedding minister through the Universal Life Church, and have officiated a number of weddings. I enjoy meeting the couples, learning about them, helping them plan the ceremony, and sharing in their special day. I was extremely blessed to officiate our daughter’s wedding in 2018.

Since 2014, I’ve shared my life experiences, challenges, and perspectives here in my Leligdon’s Lighthouse blog. However, I’ve decided to change gears to reach a wider audience. In the coming weeks, I’ll be releasing my first book. Once my current five-part blog series is complete, I won’t be submitting any new blogs. Instead I’ll be focusing my efforts on writing future books.

Why have I shared the variety of things I’ve done in my life on my spiritual journey? These are examples of what it looks like to be inspired. Inspiration gives us each the opportunity to be motivated to do or feel something, typically something creative. While I’ve spent the last 25 years as a corporate trainer, I’ve spent a lifetime deepening my understanding of God, Jesus, and my Christian faith.

My enjoyment of music provided the inspiration to write and record Christian music. My talents as a speaker and facilitator have opened doors to deliver sermons, work in youth ministry, teach marriage workshops, and become a wedding minister. My compassion for others has pushed me to pursue new opportunities as a motivational speaker and author. As I continue life’s journey as a husband, a father, a son, a sibling, and a friend, I seek opportunities daily to live out my faith.

In life, we have many choices about our careers, our families, and our faith. We are each unique, so it stands to reason that different things inspire each of us. Maybe you enjoy music, photography, or cooking. Maybe you have a desire to raise a family, become a foster parent, or adopt a child. Maybe you want to serve as a volunteer at your place of worship or in a local community program.

As I watch the news and reflect on all that is happening in the world today, I’m left wondering what guides our inspiration. It seems that many people allow hatred, revenge, and anger to rule their hearts, minds, and behavior. What if, instead, we turn our focus to love, mercy, and grace? What inspires you? What guides your inspiration? My journey of faith has been in direct response to the unconditional love, mercy, and grace I’ve been shown by God through Jesus.

Finding Your FAITH: Part 2

This is the second in a 5 part series about rediscovering and strengthening your faith. While we each grow up in a different environment, we all learn about traditions, family values, and cultural practices. We may even be raised in a household with specific religious beliefs. Then, as adults, we have the opportunity to make our own decisions about what we choose to believe based on all we’ve learned growing up.

That brings to mind a question whose answer could limit our behavior based on what’s happening around us. Is what we believe religion or faith? Religion is really more about rules and practices while faith reaches to the core of what you believe about your creation, your life, and even your own mortality. During challenging times, it’s common to question your faith by exploring what you truly believe. With the uncertain times we’re living in right now, I know I’m even exploring my own faith.

I’m not sharing my thoughts and perspectives to praise or criticize anyone’s beliefs. I’ll use my own road as an example of how to navigate the journey on your way to finding your faith. Over the next five months I want to encourage you to explore five unique elements of faith that will help you clarify what you believe and give you the confidence to live your life in genuine response to those beliefs.

Part 2: AUTHENTICITY

Growing up, my Dad and both of my brothers were sport fishing boat Captains on Lake Michigan. Once, on a family outing, I asked if I could drive the boat for a few minutes. We were well off shore, and there were no boats within range. When the laughter stopped (in my family, that was a compliment), they actually said yes. I was seated at the wheel inside the cabin, and my Dad explained that I needed to keep us headed West. I had to lean in to read the compass, and honestly couldn’t see much out the front window. However, I had a good enough view to notice there were no boats in front of us. We were trolling, so this was pretty safe.

My Dad was on the back deck with my brother Jeff rigging poles and lines while my Mom sat on the back deck enjoying the weather. My brother John was on the Fly Bridge with my sister and their friends. All of a sudden, my twin brother flew down the stairs into the cabin. He pushed me toward the wall and gave the wheel a spin (just like he did on “Wheel of Fortune” decades later). The boat made a hard left as I watched the reflection of the Sun change dramatically on the water.

JOHN: (Laughing) “There is one piece of wood floating in all of Lake Michigan, and you almost ran right into it!”

What I hadn’t noticed was a large flat plank just floating in the water. If I had hit it, it could have done major damage to my Dad’s boat. It’s no surprise that it was years before they let me drive any of the boats again. I remember my brother Jeff taking my friend Rodney and his group on a chartered fishing trip. Jeff invited me to go along as his First Mate. As luck would have it, the water got rough that day, but there I was on the fly bridge trying to keep the boat heading in the right direction. Going straight into the swells would make for a very rough ride. Instead, Jeff requested that I travel with the swells. No compass required. I could actually steer the boat by feel. Did I mention these swells were big enough for me to see?

In a recent conversation with my Dad, we were talking about my brother Jeff. My Dad shared a story about the harbor where they docked their boats. On stormy days, other captains would radio to my Dad’s boats to see if Jeff was in the harbor. If he was, they asked if he’d meet them at the gas dock located at the entrance to the harbor. While they were seasoned captains, they weren’t comfortable bringing their own boats into the harbor on stormy days.

Jeff would jump onto their boat from the gas dock, take the helm, and drive their boat until it was safely docked in the slip. Even though each boat was unique, those Captains trusted him to guide them and their boat safely to its destination during a storm.

Have you ever treated God that way? The only time you reach out is during a storm in your own life, or what I like to call a “Come to Jesus moment”. There is a certain authenticity about that situation. When things get that real, that scary, maybe even life threatening, it’s almost a natural reaction to seek divine intervention. However, if we ignore God when things are going well, that’s not really authentic anymore. It’s easy to be confident in yourself and take all the credit for what you accomplished, yet it leaves me wondering… which you is the real you?

We have the potential to behave in different ways in different environments or situations. For example, I could be Church Jim, Work Jim, Friend Jim, Home Jim, and Vacation Jim. It took an experience on the way back from an anniversary road trip years ago for me to realize I was guilty of just that.

The ride home was about 5 hours, yet once we were less than an hour from home, Barb pointed out that, all of a sudden, I seemed to be getting stressed. My tone, my behavior, my whole demeanor began to change. Barb asked, “Why can’t you be Vacation Jim all the time?

It was then that I realized I wasn’t being authentic. I was allowing my surroundings and my situations to dictate my behavior. I began to explore how I allowed different circumstances to change my actions, and, as a result, how I was perceived by others. Yes, I behave differently in a business meeting than at a BBQ, but I still maintain my morals, values, and integrity no matter the environment or situation. Being authentic really comes down to being who you truly are all the time in all situations.

When I think about God, I seek him in scripture. Through what I read in the Bible, I am able to get a clearer picture of who God is and how consistent He is. I have a front row seat to how authentic He is in His promises, wisdom, mercy, and grace.

Then I think about me. Am I as consistent? Do I constantly conduct myself in a way that will glorify God? I’m working on that. For example, I now pray daily, not just when things are tough, but no matter my situation or circumstances. Not just on the stormy days, but every day.

What if we look at each area of our lives as a puzzle piece. My wife and kids love to put puzzles together. The puzzles they work involve 500, 1000, or even 2000 little tiny pieces. For me, puzzles are a challenge, so I prefer those with only a few large pieces. What if I leveled the playing field by saying that we each have our own puzzle to put together? The quantity and size of the pieces may vary, so we’d each have our own customized puzzle. That sounds pretty good, right? However, what if I asked you to build your puzzle with all of the pieces face down? Could you do it? Even if you did, how would you know the pieces were really where they were supposed to be? There’s no color, no meaning, nothing that brings the pieces together.

That’s what life looks like when you’re not being authentic, when you’re not being true to whom you are and to whom God is. If you make choices and decisions based on what other people want, to fit in, or for selfish gain, maybe it’s time for you to become authentic, to become who you truly are.

Of course, it makes more sense to build a puzzle by looking at the colors and shape of each piece. In the same way, begin to look at each area of your own life. Be sure each area of your life is getting your spiritual attention. While it’s not easy, it is possible. Take a close look at each area of your life. Find what’s consistent and pleasing to God, and keep doing it. Find what’s not working, what’s keeping you from God, and get rid of it.

I encourage you to examine each area of your life from a variety of perspectives, like those on a charter boat. If you’re inside the cabin, you tend to focus on your current direction, and what you can see right in front of you. If you’re on the back deck, you focus on what’s working, what’s not, and the action of the next moment (Fish On!). If you’re on the Fly Bridge, you have the greatest perspective of all. Not only do you have the “cabin” and “back deck” view, but you can also see potential problems long before you encounter them.

While relationships begin with a solid foundation, they are built on trust. Each person in the relationship trusts the other to be genuine and consistent regardless of the circumstances. When are you most authentic? In which area of your life could you become more authentic? Start by turning over each piece of your life and revealing your true self to you and to those around you. Only then can you fully embrace your authenticity.

Finding Your FAITH: Part 1

This is the first in a 5 part series about rediscovering and strengthening your faith. While we each grow up in a different environment, we all learn about traditions, family values, and cultural practices. We may even be raised in a household with specific religious beliefs. Then, as adults, we have the opportunity to make our own decisions about what we choose to believe based on all we’ve learned growing up.

That brings to mind a question whose answer could limit our behavior based on what’s happening around us. Is what we believe religion or faith? Religion is really more about rules and practices while faith reaches to the core of what you believe about your creation, your life, and even your own mortality. During challenging times, it’s common to question your faith by exploring what you truly believe. With the uncertain times we’re living in right now, I know I’m even exploring my own faith.

I’m not sharing my thoughts and perspectives to praise or criticize anyone’s beliefs. I’ll use my own road as an example of how to navigate the journey on your way to finding your faith. Over the next five months I want to encourage you to explore five unique elements of faith that will help you clarify what you believe and give you the confidence to live your life in genuine response to those beliefs.

Part 1: FOUNDATION

In the late 1990’s I had the tremendous opportunity to travel to Mexico City to conduct some technical training. To help me navigate the city, the brother of our receptionist in that office agreed to be my driver for the week. On one of my days off, he was my personal tour guide as we explored the Museo Nacional de Antropologia (The National Museum of Anthropology). I learned so much about different cultures that day. Yet, nothing could have prepared me for one of my most adventurous life experiences and the powerful insight it provided.

On my last day in Mexico City, my driver arrived early in the morning. Since my flight wasn’t until much later in the day, we were headed to the Pyramid of the Sun and the Pyramid of the Moon located about an hour outside the city.

Alone, I climbed almost to the top of the Pyramid of the Moon. Once I reached the top of the stairs, and stood on the landing, I peered up at the top. There were no stairs, no railings, no ropes, and no clearly worn path to guide my journey. I stood there feeling defeated. Isn’t that just like life? We encounter situations that seem too difficult to overcome, so we stop in our tracks. Not sure of what to do or how to handle the situation, we may just give up. I didn’t climb to the top of the Pyramid of the Moon.

Once I made my way back down, my guide and I actually climbed to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun. We used stairs, railings, and ropes to help reach the top. As we sat up there, my guide explained how and why these pyramids were built. They arranged a border of bricks, and then filled it with rocks and mud. Once it was dry, they added the next border of bricks, and again filled it with rocks and mud. They repeated that process until they were finished. There is a summit at the top, so the priests of that day could go up there to, “be closer to their god”.

By comparison, the Egyptian pyramids are hollow, so the kings could be buried with all they needed for the afterlife. While the tombs are actually below ground, the above ground structure also points to the sky and to their god. For the record, it is illegal to climb the Egyptian pyramids.

As I sat there looking down from the top of the Pyramid of the Sun, it hit me. How we live our lives can be reflected in the analogy of the pyramids. If you spend your life accumulating stuff, two things happen. First, you focus your time, energy, and resources on getting more stuff. Can you take it with you? That depends on your beliefs.

Second, since we’re talking about faith, if you fill your life with too much stuff, you leave little if any room for God. You have family, friends, work, leisure, and so many other things. If you have so much, yet you still feel lost or empty, maybe it’s time to refill your life starting with God.

I grew up in a Catholic household. We went to church on Sunday mornings. Once I was old enough, I volunteered for a variety of roles during Sunday services. On Sunday evenings, we had big family dinners with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Those traditions helped to build my foundation.

Barb and I grew up with slightly different religious backgrounds, but we shared our faith as Christians. While dating, we went to church together. At our wedding, we even had a pastor from her church and a priest from mine. In our marriage we combined the perspectives we each brought from our families, our upbringing, our religious differences, and our shared values to the table to create the next layer of the foundation for our own kids.

How you were raised, what you were taught at home or in school, and the cultures to which you’ve been exposed have all in some way helped to build a foundation for your faith. Start by reflecting on that. If you aren’t sure about your faith, have conversations with people you trust, and ask questions to gain perspective regarding different beliefs.

Based on my beliefs, my life is empty without God. I know I’m not perfect and that I’ve made mistakes. However, I also believe that Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins, so I ask for forgiveness and I commit to making room in my life and in my heart for God. I choose to put God first.

Then, I add my family, friends, church, and job. Oh, and yes, there is still plenty of room for other things in my life that I enjoy. Being truly happy with what you have is to be content. You don’t want more or need more. What you have is enough.

If you want to establish or strengthen your faith foundation, spending focused time alone with God is the best place to start. Like those ancient priests who climbed the Pyramid of the Sun, how can you find ways to get closer to God? How can you spend time getting to know Him?

For example, I read my Bible to learn more about God. I pray to praise God for who He is, thank God for all he provides, share my needs, and request blessings or healing for others in my life and people around the world. I try to do that first thing in the morning, so I’m not distracted by the stuff of the day. It also puts me in the right frame of mind to navigate my day.

Just like the Pyramid of the Sun, every strong relationship begins with a solid foundation. What is the foundation of your faith? Based on your spiritual life, how can you establish or strengthen your foundation? Start by making room in your life for that relationship. Your faith will be seen through you, and through how you live.

In Whom We Trust

I can’t believe it was only a year ago that Barb and I watched the most amazing 4th of July fireworks display in Weatherford, Texas with some close friends. Fast- forward to this year… Watching the fireworks on TV just wasn’t the same. However, the global pandemic and many other social issues are creating their own fireworks. Through all of the noise, I’m struggling to get a clear view of the facts.

I’m not sure what to believe because… quite honestly… I’m not sure who to believe. What does it really mean to trust someone? Think about that for a moment. Of all the people you know, whom do you trust? Like me, you probably have family members, close friends, and a variety of colleagues whom you trust.

Then, consider why you trust them. I may not see well, but even I am not willing to blindly trust anyone (pun intended). When it comes to trusting others, I’d like to share the five criteria I use to establish and build trust.

TRUTH
Is this person telling the truth?
If someone shares information with me, I want to believe it, but if I don’t know the person well, or they aren’t an established credible source, I’ll usually research what was said, and when it was said, to confirm that it is actually true. The more often that person shares correct information with me, the more comfortable I become. That comfort with the truth helps me to be less skeptical and more trusting.

RESPECT
Is this person respectful?
When someone shares information with me, I actively listen because that’s respectful. I also take note of how they speak to me. If they are condescending or rude to me, I am far less likely to trust anything they have to say. However, if they communicate their message with respect for everyone involved, no matter the message, no matter the audience, they will begin to gain my trust.

UNDERSTANDING
Is this person making an effort to understand me and my situation?
Not everyone has walked a day in everyone else’s shoes. Yet, taking the time to truly listen to one another provides each of us the opportunity to learn. We don’t need to agree, share the same beliefs, or even experience the same upbringing. Yet, in order to establish trust we must each make an effort to begin to understand our differences… and our similarities. My willingness to trust is based in part on the other person’s willingness to truly understand my situation as they share their information.

SINCERITY
Is this person being sincere?
When someone or something sounds too good to be true – too perfect, it probably is. It’s then that I question the sincerity of the other person. The “fake” persona is a giant red flag for me. There are too many real challenges in the world right now to be drawn in by someone who doesn’t care enough to be genuine. However, here is an opportunity to let actions speak louder than words. Sincerity is much more than tone of voice. It results in actions that back up those words.

TIME
How long have I known or interacted with this person?
For me, there is no immediate trust. Learning to trust someone takes time. Considering all of the other elements of TRUST, none are ideal in isolation. They are solidified over… time. The more time that passes, and the more often these criteria are repeated, the more likely I am to trust.

Speaking of time, make some time to consider whom you trust and why. Then, reflect on who trusts you and why. Each answer will provide new insights as to your limits regarding trust.

For me, these aren’t just criteria to establish and build trust with others. I carefully consider each in myself. Am I trustworthy in the eyes of those around me?

As I reflect, I’m reminded that our currency contains the words, “In God we trust”, but do we? I’m not here to challenge your faith. I just know that statement is true for me. God is consistent, unchanging, and His love for me is unconditional. In these uncertain times I encourage you to ask yourself…
“In whom do I place my trust?”

Creating Something From Nothing

As I began to write this blog, it hit me. I may actually have “Nothing” to write about. I could share an enjoyable travel story – oh, wait, I haven’t traveled in over three months (and I have the lack of frequent flyer miles to prove it). I could talk about my recent experience in a store or restaurant – oh, wait, other than curbside pick-up or drive through, there really haven’t been any (not that I’d visit a drive through on my own anyway). I could write about someone I’ve met recently, – oh, wait, I’ve rarely left the house in months (not even for a haircut).

So, this month, I’m going to write about “Nothing”, and I’ll borrow some wisdom from my experience in the training industry to do it. When learning something new, we start out knowing “Nothing”. Yet, we are able to learn. Based on all that’s going on in the world right now, we can all learn something by paying closer attention to how we learn. That’s right. We each have a preferred learning style, and we also have the ability to teach by applying each of the styles. We just need to make the effort.

AUDITORY
If you prefer to focus on the words, no matter if they’re spoken, read, or written, then your learning preference may be auditory. With my limited vision, you’d think this would be my preference. Yet, I learn different things in different ways. Since I read slowly, if I need to study the printed word, I’ll do it using the Audible app. I write slowly too, so I like to enter my thoughts and notes on a computer. If I use a phone, speech-to-text works well, and if I don’t speak clearly enough, sometimes that gets quite entertaining. If I have to physically write, I prefer a good blue pen or a black, blue, green, or purple Sharpie.

So, why am talking about “words”? Well, right now in our society “Nothing” positive is being said. Well, that may an exaggeration, but many of today’s positive messages are being drowned out by the overwhelming negativity. In the news, on social media, and in every other place “Words” are communicated, much of it is divisive and negative.

Let’s create something out of nothing starting with a clear message. Growing up, most of us were taught that “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. What if we pushed a little harder and said, “Find something nice to say, or write, or post”? Your words are more powerful than you may realize. Choose them wisely, and use them to build others up rather than tear them down.

VISUAL
If you prefer to focus on what you see in pictures, diagrams, illustrations, or demonstrations, then your learning preference may be visual. With my limited vision, you’d think this would be my weakest preference. Yet, I’ve found that if I can get a closer look at these items, I gain lots of information quickly.

So, why am talking about “visuals”? Well, you don’t need perfect vision to see that “Nothing” positive is being displayed in 2020. Again, that may be an exaggeration, but the positive sights and sounds of our world are being used as a break from reality rather than becoming our reality.

Let’s create something out of nothing by keeping our message concise. How can you change the landscape in your home, your community, and maybe even nationally or globally? I remember a mural in our junior high school. It captured all of the accomplishments of our country as we celebrated our bicentennial. What if we focused more on accomplishments rather than failures? Look for ways to truly show your support for others in a positive way. When you create a diagram, upload a photo, or share a meme, keep it simple and helpful.

KINESTHETIC
If you prefer to learn by doing, then your learning preference may be kinesthetic (hands-on). For me, this is a very powerful way to learn because I can use many senses at once to learn a new skill. I remember first learning to golf. Just gripping and aligning the club properly completely changed the position of the club face. Of course, adding some visual and auditory methods may even accelerate the learning process.

So, why am talking about “doing”? Well, right now, you might be complaining because you’ve got “Nothing” to do, or you’re so uncomfortable that you choose to do “Nothing”, or you’re tired of watching people do “Nothing” to create positive change.

Let’s create something out of nothing by becoming compelling. Instead of pushing people away, draw them in. Before you take action, consider if the result will be positive or negative. What can you do to improve a situation… yours or someone else’s? Even if you feel isolated right now, the great news is that you don’t need to work alone. There is strength in numbers.

Rather than feeling angry, upset, defeated, or hopeless, about “Nothing” being what you genuinely believe it could or should be, find a way to say, show, or do something to begin to create a more positive outcome. There may be challenges and obstacles in your path that limit your ability to view things in a positive way. However, if we choose to say, show, or do nothing, then how can we expect anything to change? Start by changing your own approach from “What can I learn?” to “What can I teach?”

Home Is Where the Start Is

I never realized how the rules we established in our home when our kids were young could have such a profound impact on how we navigate life today. There are so many recommendations regarding safety and social distancing. With those guidelines come choices we each need to make about what we will personally do.

While “Stay At Home” orders have been lifted, there are still a set of suggested practices in place in an effort to keep us all safe. For the sake of illustration, let’s call these guidelines “Rules”. When our kids were young, we established a set of “Rules” that every family member was expected to follow. There were also consequences. If the rules were followed, there were positive consequences. If not, there were negative consequences. This simple structure made clear the fact that every choice has a consequence – good or bad.

For the last few months, we have all been experiencing life at home in a very different way. It may be stressful having everyone at home, but it’s also a blessing. More families are eating meals, playing games, watching movies, and even engaging in conversations together. What a shame that it took a pandemic to help us rediscover our own families.

There is another opportunity here to help shape a more healthy and successful future. I wonder if having a few “Rules” to follow at home would make being at home less stressful while also making it easier to follow the guidelines outside the home. At last count, we had 36 House Rules. I’d like to share three of my favorites. If you like the idea, you’re welcome to use these or come up with your own.

Rule #1: Answer the question you’re asked.
This has been one of the best rules we’ve ever implemented. It clarifies conversations and reduces confusion. I wish the media and the people they interview could follow this rule. Think about how much less confusing the world would be.

Rule #2: No devices at the dinner table.
The best way to enjoy dinner with your family is by reducing distractions. Consider creating a charging area (a “Parking Lot” if you will) for cell phones and other devices. Just before sitting down to dinner, invite everyone to place their devices in the charging area so they’re out of reach. To further reduce distractions, play music in the background rather than turning on a TV show. For variety, let a different family member pick the music each night.

Rule #3: Knock and ask permission before entering a room with a closed door.
Having everyone in the same house can make you feel like you have no privacy at all. No matter where you are in the house, maybe people just barge in unannounced. This rule provides some needed privacy while helping others to respect your privacy as well. You may consider starting with locking closed doors so others are required to knock before entering. Then, once others in your home get used to the idea, you can close the door without locking it, and they’ll still knock. Another idea is to put a sign on the door, so others know you’re busy. For example, “I’m on a Zoom call”, “I’m working”, or “I’m taking a nap”.

2 NEW RULES
We’ll call these rules 4 and 5. Due to the global pandemic, and the recent removal of the “Stay At Home” orders, we have two new rules in our house to help keep us safe inside and outside of our own home.

Rule #4: Wear a mask when going out around others.
Everyone in our house has their own cloth mask. We used a Sharpie to put an initial on each mask to identify the owner. When going inside anywhere other than our own home, the expectation is that the mask be worn. We have discussed how the mask primarily helps protect others, and it also protects us. While we can’t force other people to wear a mask in public places, we can choose to lead by example.

Rule #5: Keep our house clean.
When returning home, the rule is that clothes are put into a load that will be washed that day. This includes masks, shirts, pants, and other outerwear. Depending on where the family member went, other practices are followed ranging from thorough hand washing to a complete shower. For example, if you just drove to a restaurant to pick up dinner, and the staff brought it to your car, hand washing makes sense. If you spent time indoors at a store, residence, or other indoor facility, a change of clothes or a shower might be in order. We also wipe down items brought into our house from a shopping trip or a delivered package.

I’m not saying that everyone needs to adopt our rules. Instead, I’m suggesting that our behaviors and choices begin with what we teach and learn at home.

For years, I’ve been sharing stories about navigating beyond perceived limitations. The current global health crisis has created some very real limitations for life as we know it. However, we can successfully navigate these challenges if we begin with what happens in our own homes.

Make It Personal: Hannah’s Closet

Some people take a difficult situation and adopt the victim mentality. In other words, they “take it personally”. However, there are others who, due to the personal nature of the situation, choose to become involved with the hope of making a difference. These people “Make it personal” in an extremely positive way to help change things, not just for those closest to them, but for anyone facing similar challenges.

I have the honor of knowing such a person. Her name is Donna White. I met her a few years ago when I started working with her husband Chip. There was an amazing level of honesty about this couple, and as time went by, I began to see how truly special they really are. Barb and I met them for dinner in Las Vegas (before all the “Stay at home” orders came out). Donna shared with us that her ministry was growing beyond her expectations. Her passion for helping foster families was so personal that she started “Hannah’s Closet”. I had to learn more, so I reached out to her with some questions. Donna agreed to an interview and to opening up about her family, how she and Chip have built a wonderful life as foster parents, and created a legacy through this unique charity.

How was Hannah’s Closet started?
Our first foster placement… Hannah… came to us with nothing but the clothes on her back and a court teddy bear. I talked with other foster parents and found this was not uncommon, so back then I started Hannah’s closet in our garage.

This charity is a resource center for foster parents to be able to shop for free for clothing or any other necessities a child might need. Hannah’s Closet moved from our garage to a storefront on November 19th, 2019. It is now part of the Hope Church outreach “Fostering Hope” ministry and is supplied by community donations and assistance from the church. Hannah’s Closet helps more than 250 children a month with anything from a toothbrush all the way up to cribs and strollers and anything in between. A second location in North Las Vegas was also started. While we are funded separately, we do share donation resources when needed. Within the foster community here in Las Vegas, we all help each other whenever we can.

When and why did you and Chip decide to become foster parents?
There was a single father that started coming to our church, trying to get his life on track, so he could get his 3 daughters out of the Foster care system in Kentucky and back with him. We helped him get back on his feet and get a place. We started picking up the girls on the weekends and letting them stay with us so they could see him at church. They quickly became part of our family. (to us and our children). He started using drugs again, lost his apartment, his job, and went off the radar, quit coming to church, and disappeared. We decided we’d try to adopt those three young ladies whose mother was out of the picture and whose father we knew would never get it together to get them. So we restructured our house to have an extra bathroom and bedrooms. We then started taking classes to get these girls. Then the mom, out of nowhere, on our final class to be foster parents, shows up from Tennessee and got the kids. We decided that things happen for a reason, and since we were now set up and trained, we began our Foster Parenting journey.

How many children have you fostered?
We’ve fostered 21 Children… so far, and adopted 2 of them. Also, we have 3 biological children who are grown up, out of the house, and “Bringers of Grandchildren”!

What have you learned through your experience as Foster Parents?
Every child is unique. Their wants, needs, discipline, love languages, and everything about them is different. But the one thing that is constant is that those that we can build a connection with do well. Unfortunately, sometimes they aren’t with you long enough to make a strong connection.

How can people donate to Hannah’s Closet?
The easiest way is to contact them through Facebook.
(Hannah’s closet south on Facebook messenger)

What advice would one of your foster children give to foster children in other families?

Ashley: “Take advantage of the help offered. Don’t just try to get through it and
get out of the system.”

Lynn: “Give people a chance beyond their first appearance.”

Andria: “Don’t judge someone because they are or do things differently than you.”

Ariah: “Don’t lose hope and keep on fighting to change yourself for the better. Ask for help.”

What advice do you have for parents who are considering becoming foster parents?
Please do. Some think they’re not ready or wouldn’t be good enough parents. Some think they’ll get too attached. But both of these get more emphasis than they deserve… and it’s the kids who really need these parents that miss out.

What has been your greatest success, and what has been your greatest challenge as a foster parent?

Greatest Success: The satisfaction of seeing these kids grow up and overcome the obstacles that life put in their path.

Greatest Challenge: There was one child we never heard from again after they reunified with their family. But, even if you do keep up with them, there are some that continue the generational cycle.

What other thoughts would you like to share regarding your journey?
It’s not easy being a Foster Parent. The system, the trauma, the challenges… both academic and financial. But I guarantee this. You would do it again even knowing what you would be in for. Just like couples/women having a baby. You know it’s not going to be easy, but it is so worth it.

Due to the current social distancing guidelines, Hannah’s Closet is only accepting “emergency” donations. Normal operations will resume as soon as socially safe to do so. In the meantime, if you’d like to learn more about Hannah’s Closet, please…
Visit them on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/hannahs.closet.south/
Watch the recent FOX 5 interview:
https://www.fox5vegas.com/news/hannah-s-closet-provides-support-for-valley-foster-families/article_33ac26e2-491e-11ea-9e7c-aba1b8a9ed60.html

I’ve reflected on Donna’s final thoughts quite often this week as the global health concerns continue to affect each of us in different ways. “It’s not easy,” she said, “but it’s worth it.” As you make choices and decisions going forward, remember those words. Maybe you’re considering becoming a Foster Parent. Maybe you’d like to make a donation to Hannah’s Closet or any other organization helping those in need. Maybe… just maybe… those words are the encouragement you need to get through a challenging day.

Photo: “The White Family”
Back Row: Mia, Ashley, Ariah
Front Row: Lynn, Chip, Donna, Andrea

If you know someone who has chosen to “Make it personal”, please contact me with their story as I’d like to feature more people who have taken a challenging situation and created a positive impact.

Make It Personal: Brendan’s Story

Some people take a difficult situation and adopt the victim mentality. In other words, they “take it personally”. However, there are others who, due to the personal nature of the situation, choose to become involved with the hope of making a difference. These people “Make it personal” in an extremely positive way to help change things, not just for those closest to them, but for anyone facing similar challenges.

I have the honor of knowing such a person. His name is Myron Hepner. I met him more than ten years ago while conducting a training workshop in the Midwest. There was an immediate connection as he shared the story of his son who is blind in one eye. He also talked about his passion for helping other families in similar situations. I’ve followed his continued efforts over the years, and this year I reached out to him with some questions. Myron agreed to an interview regarding his work and his son Brendan’s story.

 

When and how did you discover Brendan’s eye condition?
Brendan was about 8 months old when we started noticing photographs with “white eye” in his right eye instead of “red eye”, which was showing in his left eye. Then we started noticing a gray reflection in his pupil. That’s when we decided to take him to a pediatrician. He sent us to the University of Michigan Kellogg Eye Center right away. That’s when we knew something serious was happening. Brendan was diagnosed with retinoblastoma (cancer in the eye).

How did you react?
We were stunned. We had never heard of retinoblastoma. Being new parents, we were just getting used to not panicking over every little thing. Then we find out our son has a life-threatening condition that needed immediate treatment – yikes!

However, I was immediately grateful for the staff and care providers at Kellogg Eye Center. They literally dropped everything to see us that first day, and provided us with information and treatment options. They also connected us to another family that had recently had the same thing happen, and that family has been a tremendous support and comfort to us through the years.

How did your family react?
My mom was emotional, but positive. She is the spiritual rock of our family. She had faith at all times.

My sister was a blessing; she is the solid foundation for our family. At the time, she told me that as devastating as the day is, a year from then we would look back at it as the day we moved forward in healing Brendan, and not the day things ended. That always stuck with me and encouraged me.

What was the timeline from diagnosis to now?
6 days after the diagnosis, Brendan’s eye was enucleated and an implant was put in. He was 9 months old. They examined the optic nerve and detected no cancer cells. A week later, the lab result came back and confirmed that finding. We had caught it in time, and he was cancer free.

He received his prosthetic, which is separate from the implant, when he was 11 months old. It is created and maintained by an Ocularist, Dr. Greg Dootz, at the Kellogg Eye Center. It is shaped and molded to fit him and be held in place by his eyelids, and painted to exactly match the color of his remaining eye. We have prosthetic checks and adjustments every 6 months.

Through time until now, it’s grown to only annual exams, all at the Kellogg Eye Center. Each time we are grateful that he remains cancer free!

How was March Hoops to Beat Blindness (MHBB) started?
After so many appointments at U-M Kellogg Eye Center, and receiving such incredible care and service from their amazing staff and care providers, I was filled with a deep sense of gratitude for all they have done for Brendan, me, and my family. The world-class research being conducted at U-M Kellogg Eye Center will continue to lead to new innovations in treating and preventing blinding conditions. That struck a personal chord. I thought if I could provide some small help to those research efforts, it could benefit a great many people.

At that time, I had a long-standing tradition with several friends to get together and watch all the games during the first round of the NCAA Basketball Tournament. I began to think of a way to turn my love of college basketball into an opportunity to give back. I put the two ideas together – basketball and vision research – and March Hoops to BEAT Blindness was born!

What are some milestones that MHBB has achieved to date?
First, the research funding has resulted in new knowledge leading to new techniques in patient care. That has truly been gratifying.

Second, the community response has been terrific. People look forward to the event and often reach out to me before I even start promotions for the current year. 2020 is the 14th year for MHBB. Participation has grown steadily, and at the end of last year, the total lifetime MHBB donations exceeded the $100,000 mark.

And finally, we have met many other Kellogg Eye Center patients and their families. We’ve helped some parents through dark and difficult times. Children with retinoblastoma have met Brendan and know they aren’t the only ones who have a “special” eye or need to visit the Kellogg Eye Center so often.

What advice would Brendan give to other young people living with some type of physical challenge?
One of the most impactful things on a person’s self image and self confidence while living in today’s society is what other people say about you – particularly critical and negative comments. If you learn to not take the verbal beating and abuse from people, and find value in the person you are, it will take you a lot further than you would expect. Stay true to who you are. Be optimistic in every situation having the mindset that you will succeed even though you have physical challenges; you will still succeed and excel much further than you would guess.

Myron, what advice do you have for parents with a child that is living with a physical challenge?
Find other parents and support each other. That was the biggest help for me while going through Brendan’s enucleation and recovery.

Help others who are dealing with the same thing. It will be a source of inspiration and encouragement for you to give to them like that.

Don’t hold your child back. They will let you know what they can handle and what they can’t. Take the necessary precautions, but let them live their life.

Enjoy every moment with them.

And finally, my sister’s words on that very first day – know that better days are ahead and take today to move forward toward healing and treatment.

What final thoughts would you like to share regarding this journey?
I am so proud of the young man he has become. Brendan is very smart and is looking forward to starting college this fall. He intends to pursue a degree in video game design.

As I reflect back on our journey, every problem presents an opportunity if you look hard enough for it and are willing to go for it. In the 14 years of hosting March Hoops to BEAT Blindness, something has not gone as planned every year. Some challenges were bigger than others. But the solutions to those challenges, particularly the big ones, have turned out to be some of the biggest improvements and most enjoyable aspects of the event.

 

Myron’s final thoughts echoed in my mind this week as global health concerns may cause the cancelation of this year’s MHBB gathering at Pizza House in Ann Arbor, Michigan on March 19th and 20th. However, if you’d like to make a donation in support of research programs at the University of Michigan Kellogg Eye Center, you can visit the MHBB web site at BeatBlindness.com

If you know someone who has chosen to “Make it personal”, please contact me with their story as I’d like to feature more people who have taken a challenging situation and crated a positive impact.