The Flying Wallendas display their confidence by not using a net. While that may seem a bit extreme, they train their entire lives to be ready for those key moments. I’m not suggesting you walk through life taking unnecessary risks, but building self confidence is really a balancing act between preparation and risk.

Most kids get comfortable enough on a bicycle to eventually ride no-handed. Even I did that. Hey, I was on the back of a tandem bike. My handle bars didn’t even move. It was my job to pedal. I had to trust my twin brother John, or anyone else who was on the front seat, to get us where we needed to go. I know there were times when John lifted his feet… just to drop a subtle hint that life wasn’t going to let me coast as a passenger. That’s one thing I love about a bike ride. It’s a lot of work getting up those hills, but the occasional coast – that’s just good fun.

Of course, sitting on the back of that tandem bike wasn’t as much fun as driving up front. I only drove that bike a few times. Once while driving with a brave friend on the back, we were having a conversation. Not thinking, I turned to say something and the next thing I knew – a parked car jumped out in front of us. Luckily there was no damage to the car, the bike, or either of us. We traded places and continued… laughing all the way.

After that, I was told not to ride on the front of that bike. Well, in my rule following, yet adventurously creative, mind, I found a way to obey that rule while still enjoying a bike ride (kids, please don’t try this at home). I leaned over from the back seat and grabbed the handle bars. I started to pedal from the back and steer with no one on the front seat. I rode around the court we lived in, and then I turned onto the side street. I got to that corner and turned around. As I was approaching the court, I only had one more house to pass… Whitey’s house. He was sitting on his front porch just watching me. Of course, I didn’t see him, but boy did I hear him.

WHITEY: (yelling) “Jimmy! Does your Dad know how you’re riding that bike!?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I was too busy concentrating on steering because my crazy neighbor just scared the crap out of me. All I could think was, “Don’t crash” and “My Dad’s gonna clobber me” and “Hmm, in that case, maybe I should crash”. I began to weave, feverishly trying to keep my composure, and when I had safely arrived in my own driveway, I decided not to ride like that anymore.

Fast forward about 20 years. My wife Barb and I bought mountain bikes for each other as a one year anniversary gift. We had a great time going for bike rides. A few years later, shortly after our daughter Courtney was born, we bought a baby seat that attaches to the back of a bike. Barb suggested putting it on my bike. She was confident that I’d be OK, and more importantly that Courtney (too young to protest) would be fine too. Having ridden for years, I too had grown in my self confidence to the point where I could carry my precious little passenger.

Once we moved to Arizona, both our kids eventually learned to ride bikes too. We live across from a court, so they had a safe place to practice and build their self confidence. Barb and I enjoyed watching them ride, and it inspired us to get our own bikes again and ride with our kids. On a nice Arizona January day we went for a family bike ride. It was such a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon, I even brought the dog.

Have you ever noticed that sometimes overconfidence is a dangerous thing? I’m painfully reminded of that every time I think back on that January bike ride. Since I could ride one handed, I volunteered to hold the dog’s leash (OK kids, here’s another one – please don’t try this at home). I held the leash as he ran beside me. We had done this before, and he would just bolt down the sidewalk next to me as I rode in the street.

To this day, I’m not sure why, but for some reason he darted in front of me, so I applied the brakes – or should I say… the front brake (note to self – when riding one-handed keep the back break hand on the handle bars). At that moment, I became a Flying Leligdon! In one not at all graceful move, I let go of the leash, flew over the handle bars, and did my best Evel Knievel impression. Every body part on my right side hit the pavement (and I’ve had pavement plant experience… see part 2 of this blog). To this day I thank God that when I landed I didn’t hit my head because, unlike my bus jumping buddy, I was not wearing a helmet. Oh, and my dog, like a ninja he very wisely moved out of the way so I wouldn’t land on him. Then he sat by me waiting for Barb and the kids to come back.

As a result of that January bike ride, I could have decided to stop riding my bike (or at least to learn how to stop WHILE riding my bike). I took a look at how to be better prepared before I rode again. I always wear a helmet – It’s OK to be safe. I’ve had people say that a grown man doesn’t need a bike helmet because it looks stupid – Really? It looks better than bashing my head on the pavement. I leave the dog at home because… dogs go for walks not bike rides. I even go for short rides in the neighborhood by myself to further build my confidence.

Remember my rule following, yet adventurously creative, mind? One day I rode to the Pharmacy Drive-thru at Walgreen’s just because I could, and it was fun being in line with the cars. Hey, it’s a drive-thru, and it doesn’t specify what I need to be driving.

Tennis pro Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self confidence. An important key to self confidence is preparation”. What about you? In your own life, what’s one area where you’d like to be more successful? How are you preparing your self… confidence for success?

In 6th grade, I enjoyed climbing on the playground equipment at our school just like any other kid. Back then, there were no wood chips or soft squishy surfaces to land on – just the paved playground. I was playing with some classmates, and we were swinging on the high bar, similar to the one a male gymnast uses, but this one was metal not wood. We were trying to swing back and forth until we could make one forward rotation over the bar. There I was, swinging like crazy, and when I was almost high enough to get myself over that bar, that’s when things went terribly wrong. Somehow in my excitement, I forgot one important rule – Hang On!

Hitting the ground hands and face first was something I’ll probably never forget. In an instant, a teacher was escorting me to the nurse’s office. My face and hands hurt, my nose was bloody, and my classmates were following behind us saying, “That was so cool!”

No sooner did I reach the nurses office when the ambulance arrived. My Dad worked for the fire department of the neighboring town, so the paramedics knew me, and even the hospital staff knew that I was “Jerry’s son”. I don’t remember much after we got to the hospital as things happened pretty quickly. Looking back on that day, all I know for sure is that I had broken my nose (yeah, so if you see pictures of me, I can honestly say, “Hey, the swelling just never went down.”).

The next year, in Junior High, I joined the gymnastics team. While I was a little nervous about falling again, at least they had mats. In case you’re wondering, no, I didn’t work on the high bar… because they didn’t offer that in junior high. Instead, I did pommel horse, rings, and I even discovered the trampoline. I guess you could say that I… bounced back – literally. I did OK in gymnastics. Even though I didn’t win any awards, get any 10s, or go to the Olympics, I really enjoyed that year on that team.

To this day, I still enjoy watching gymnastics because I truly appreciate the flexibility involved. For example, did you know that a balance beam is only 4 inches wide? That doesn’t leave much room for error in balance. Today the beam is covered in leather or suede to reduce slipping. With the variety of choices in elements, the gymnast is able to adjust the order and complexity of the routine to fit the situation. A slip may result in missing a jump or skipping a move.

We can learn a lot from gymnastics about flexibility. There are a few lessons that come to mind pretty quickly. First, use a mat. Start out with less risky ideas and work toward higher risk as you become more comfortable and confident. Second, have a spotter. We each need a family member or friend… to catch us… to talk about things when they don’t go well. What I appreciate most about a spotter is that they see things from a perspective you can’t at that moment because you’re in it. Third, be flexible. Not everything will go according to plan, so it’s a good idea to have some alternatives just in case.

Not driving has provided me the opportunity to work on my flexibility. Sometimes I need to be more flexible with my schedule due to the availability of transportation options. One morning, I had a 9 AM appointment, but Barb could only drive me at 7:30. Lucky for me, there was an IHOP in the same parking lot as the office for my appointment. That day, my flexibility was rewarded with pancakes. Rather than complaining about how actual plans don’t match what I’d like to have happen, I’m trying to find ways to make the best of what could otherwise be a very aggravating situation.

What about you? When you think about the different areas of your own life, are you flexible? Are you able to stretch beyond… your comfort zone, the perceived limits others place on you, and even your own self doubt? Over time, I’ve learned the difference between falling and failing. Yes, the only difference is “I”. If I decided to let that fall on the playground keep me from trying new things, I would have turned that fall into a fail, and I’d have never joined the gymnastics team. I’ve fallen many times in life, and it hurt every time (like a face plant on the playground), but each time, I’ve also learned a little bit more about success.

When I got my first pair of glasses, I was thrilled. Mom and I arrived home, and I ran up the driveway to show my Dad. On the way up the driveway, I was running so fast that I fell forward… landing on my face and breaking my new glasses. I know… not a very good example of balance.

When you hear the word “balance”, what comes to mind? Maybe it’s the financial miracle of balancing your checkbook (yes kids, some of us still use a check book). Maybe it’s the beauty and grace a gymnast displays while balancing on that tiny beam. Maybe it’s the balance a martial artist displays when securing a stable fighting stance. Maybe it’s the fearless feat of balancing on a high wire without a net (Who’s Annette?… Thanks to Mike and Eric for the inspiration for that joke). Maybe it’s the well balanced mental toughness athletes around the world display when experiencing (in my best Keith Jackson voice) “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat”. Maybe the true power of balance is really all these things.

This is the first of 5 blogs, each exploring a different element of balance.

Part 1: STABILITY

With the Seahawks playing in Super Bowl XLIX here in Phoenix this weekend, I am reminded of an experience I had years ago while teaching a class on a little island Northwest of Seattle. We were in this beautiful ballroom on the second floor of an old wooden hotel. As I was talking to the group, I noticed that the chandeliers started swinging (With my limited vision, for something to distract me visually, it’s got to be a pretty major visual). I was so distracted by the swinging chandeliers that I stopped talking. In the silence I heard the ice in the water pitchers rattling. Then I felt the floor begin to shake beneath my feet. A participant stood up and calmly said, “Earthquake”.
Everyone got up to leave. I followed the group, and was the last one out of the room. I’ll never forget walking down that flight of stairs. Not seeing well, stairs can be kind of tricky. I use my feet to feel the edge of each stair. Not an easy task when the whole building is moving. I so badly wanted to grab the railings … but I couldn’t. The walls were moving from side to side, so I had nothing to hold on to. When I got to the parking lot, the ground was still shaking. When it stopped – I was still shaking. Yet, I was grateful that we were all safe.
This all happened in less than a minute. It’s the only time I’ve experienced an actual earthquake. Yet, we hear about them around the world. We are reminded of how real and devastating these earthquakes can be. However, I wonder about the earthquakes in our own lives. Everything is going fine, and then something happens that shakes the very foundation of what we thought was solid and stable.

When it comes to stability in our lives, most people associate it with finances. However, the term “financially stable” doesn’t mean “rich” or “wealthy”. It really means that you have a clear picture of where you are. You know where all of your money is, and what you’re doing with it. There is a balance between what you’re earning and what you’re spending. Having a budget, and sticking to it, can help a lot in this area.

Another type of stability is our work/life balance. I know, sometimes it feels like we work just to maintain our financial stability, but that can cost us in other areas. When we lived in Chicago, I commuted to my job downtown. As we moved farther away from the city to improve our financial stability, my work/life balance began to slip. I took a bus, a train, and a walk just to get to the office. My round trip commute time was 4 hours and 30 minutes each day… 5 days a week. On a typical day I left the house at 6:15 AM, and didn’t return home until 6:45 PM. When I worked overtime, I’d get home around 10:00 PM, just in time to go to sleep and do it all over again.

With my current role, I am blessed to work from home when I’m not on the road speaking or conducting a workshop. I can fly to Boston (I needed to mention the other Super Bowl XLIX team, the Patriots) to teach for a week in about the time I spent commuting for one day of work years ago. While I still struggle with being away from my family, my wife Barb is quick to point out that I’m actually home more often, I have more dinners, go to more school events, and enjoy more quality time with my family now than I ever could before.

Still another type of stability is the give and take of friendship. Due to my limited vision, I need to ask for help on a regular basis. It may be to read small print, get to an appointment, or find the right aisle in the grocery store. However, I am careful to stabilize my requests. In other words, I make sure that I do things for others as well. On that balance sheet, I try to do more for others than is done for me. For example, if someone gives me a ride to an appointment just a few miles away, I may take them to lunch. It’s less expensive than a cab, and it provides a nice opportunity to spend some time with a friend or family member.

Back in our younger days, my friend Neal had a back injury, but he needed the ceilings in his condo painted. While an unlikely candidate, I painted them for him because I could (or at least I hoped I could as I’d never done that before). Barb painted all the edges, and I rolled the rest as Neal watched in disbelief (probably laughing and thinking, “OK, I’m letting a blind guy paint my condo.”). Barb and I did a nice job, and we still enjoy painting projects in our own house now.

Of course, there is physical stability. The balance of what we eat and how we exercise. My Nonna used to say, “Jimmy, a little bit is OK. Too much – not OK.” It’s about moderation. I like to think of it as an entree vs. a buffet. First of all, the fewer calories I consume, the fewer hours I need to spend on the treadmill. Also, when I read a menu, my choices are clear. The buffet is too much guess work for me. I find myself standing there thinking, “Is that mac and cheese or scalloped potatoes? Are those green beans or asparagus?” (yeah, when I’m at a buffet, Forrest Gump’s voice is in my head because I never know what I’m going to get.)

Then there is emotional stability. This doesn’t mean we’re always happy and upbeat. It also doesn’t give us license to be bitter or play the victim when things don’t go our way. In my life, I could have let the bitterness of not seeing well destroy me, but instead I focused on what I could do rather than what I couldn’t.

Finally, there is spiritual stability – belief in God no matter the circumstances. We will celebrate the good times with praise and navigate the difficult times through prayer. When Barb and I got married; my father-in-law said something at our reception that I remember to this day. “Jim & Barb, rather than wish you well, I’ll say that I know you’ll do well because you have three things going for you: Your faith in God, your love for each other, and your sense of humor”.

There will still be those emotional earthquakes that shake each of us. However, when we strengthen every area of our stability, we can maintain our balance, even when we can’t grab a railing.